Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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