Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
