How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
