bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
