I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
