Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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