im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
