I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
