he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
