You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
