Its about making memories worth repressing
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
