If i come over, it means nothing
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's blow job season.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
