are you so shy because you have an std?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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