How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Say something about gay babies.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
