she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
