theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So much rum. So many feels.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
