if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
