The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
