Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
