can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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