??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
