we're chasing vodka with high fives
and you said cock pushups were impossible
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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