And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
