DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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