Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my sisters under your porch take her home
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
