one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
