I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
