i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
