Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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