It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
