i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
