how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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