I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
