If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
