Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
