when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
