i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
