he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This house was built for laser tag.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
