just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
