party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
