Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
