your room smells of hookers.
And success
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
