here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
