Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
