Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
