you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
