I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
