Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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