I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
