Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
