Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
