My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
