You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dignity is for republicans.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
