I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
