Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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