I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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