This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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