I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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