How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
