We're facebook friends in real life
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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