i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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