I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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