I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
