so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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