dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dicks are not precious.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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