i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
