I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
