Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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