we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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