i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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