As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
