i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
