Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
