I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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