look no pants
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
