Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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