As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
