NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
